Thursday, March 19, 2009

Mr. Bungle's 2009 Mock Draft

1 Detroit Tigers - Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia; Matt Millen needs a quarterback to throw to all of those receivers he drafted.

2 St. Louis Rams - Jason Smith, OT, Bailor; He went to Bailor but he will be the next Pace. Get it?

3 Kansas City Cheifs - Chris Long, DE/LB, Virginia; The son of an old player, he will help the pass rush

4 Cleveland Browns - Everrette Brown, DE/LB, Florida State; He’s short but his last name is Brown. The Browns can probably market him in a funny way.

5 Seattle Sea Hawks - Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech; I don’t know. Everyone else said he’d go here so I guess whatever.

6 Cinccinnatti Bengals - LeSean McCoy, RB, Pittsburhg; Les Nessman...LeS(ean) McCoy. Need I say more?

7 Oakland Raiders - Michael Crabtree, WR, TExas Tech; Al Davis likes drafting players.

9 Green Bay Packers - Mark Sanchez, QB, USC; Brett Farve didn’t have a good year but he is now retired, so the Pack” needs a new passer.

10 San Francisco 49Niners - Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forrest; Their coach, I can’t remember his name, used to be a linebacker so it make sense.

11 Buffalo Bills - B.J. Raji, NT, Boston College; It is very cold in Buffalo and it gets cold in Boston also, so, you know.

12 Denver Broncos - Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State; Mick Daniels doesn’t like Jay Cutler and will likely let him sit the bench to teach him a lesson.

13 Redskins - Pass. The Redskins spent a lot of money on free agency so it might be a good idea if they just forfeit their first round pick to save money. I think they can save it and use it any time later on. I’ll look into it.

14 New Orleans Saints - Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU; He’s already close so punctuality would be a big plus with him.

15 Houston Oilers - Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers; This team all ready had a moon, now it needs a star! This guy is good and he played in New Jersey where there seems to be an oddly high number of Dolphins fans.

16 San Diego Chargers - Andre Smith, OT, Alabama; This guy is fat as all hell but he’ll be able to shed pounds because of the sun in San Diego.

17 New York Jets - Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss; Rex Ryan needed a replacement for Ray Lewis.

18 Chicago Bears - Percy Harvin, WR, Flordai; Rex Grossman will feel more comfy throwing to a player from his own school.

19 Tampabay Buccaneers - Clay Matthews, DE/LB, USC; This dude totally looks like a pirate.

20 Detroit Lions - Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia; Somebody needs to protect new starting QB Mark Sanchez.

21 Philadelphia Eagles - Sammie Lee Hill, DL, Stillman; I’m pretty sure the Eagles like guys you don’t really know.

22 Minnesota Vikings - Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia; I honestly don’t trust Brad Childress. Something is up with him. Seriously, authorities should check out his basement when he isn’t home.

24 New England Patriots - Cullen Harper, QB, Clemson; The Pats need a back-up QB to replace Matt Cassel.

23 Atlanta - I have no idea.

25 Miami Dolphins - Rey Maualuga, LB, USC; Remember when Pete Carroll gave the choke sign to Pete Stoyanovich? Who is laughing now? Actually, I don’t know what that means.

26 Miami Dolphins - Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois; Baltimore needed a big receiver so Miami sends them Ernest Wilford and QB John Beck for this pick.

27 Indianapolis Colts - Pat White, QB, West W.V.; It’s time for a change at QB in Indy.

28 Philadelphia Eagles - Chris Beanie Wells, QB, Ohio State; Donovan McNabb can’t play forever and this guy probably likes soup, too.

29 N. York Giants - Alec Mack, C, Cal; New York is the center of the world, in some ways, so this works.

30 Tenesee Titans - James Laurinaitis, LB, Ohio State; How cool would it be if the Titans came out to the Road Warrior music every game? One of them died I think, though.

31 Arizona Cardinals - Myron Rolle, S, Florida State; Arizona is a pretty tight-walleted team so this is a brilliant pick. Rolle can play safety and help with the training/medical staff all for one salary. Excellent value.

32 Pittsburgh Steelers - Hakeem Nicks, WR, N.C.; Ben Roethlsiberger doesn’t like Heinz Ward because he is short.
I hope you liked my draft. Let me know what you think.


  1. You're a douchebag but this is very funny. Good job.

  2. Kenny Britt to the Texans at #15? Are you retarded? And Chris Long can't go #3 because he was drafted last year.

    I echo charlie's 'douchebag' comment.

  3. Ya because the Packers didn't just sign Aaron Rodgers to a 6 year deal, and he didnt just have 29 passing touchdowns with 14 interceptions and over 4000 yards.. The Packers DO NOT need another QB. Aaron Rodgers will be a pro bowler for years to come.

    But this did give me a good laugh though. Houstion Oilers? Seriously?

  4. please please please update this blog more often. i have been laughing so hard i am crying. this is the most wonderful mock draft i have ever read. update more!

  5. wow
    many of you are really stupid and dont get the irony...


  6. Great job! You've made my whole day. I dont know the last time I laughed so hard. I went back an read it again two more times it was so funny. My son is a college player who is projected to be drafted and I found a link to this on a draft website.

  7. Myron rolle is stayin in youre all mixed up

  8. bungle! u r trippin! hahahaha

  9. that is awesome. detroit tigers, houston oilers. Some of you people are stupid for not getting this.

  10. Micheal Crabtree got drafted twice.

  11. This year Remember the Sonics is hosting its first ever "Mock Draft Challenge!"

    The Mock Draft Challenge is a competition where experts, analysts, and bloggers alike can enter their mock draft to win a first-place prize package and one year's worth of bragging rights.

    Check out all the details at:

    The Entry Deadline is April 24 so post your name on the board and start polishing your final mock draft!

    Don't just say your mock draft is the best... Prove it.

    Scotty Kimberly
    --RTS Editor--